here's to you, broken souls...

wow i just discovered so much cobweb in my blog when logging in after an eternity. anyways today i feel hurt. so i might just share a bit of sad stories to u guys. hmm....this sem has been very exponential...exponentially demotivating though. remember this saying about, rely on ur parents when ur home, rely on ur frens when ur out. so since im out of the house most of the time, yea, my frens are basically my pillar of strength. well, u c, i have been one lucky son of a bitch who has a pretty decent amount of friends all around me. entering this university has opened my mind to new people, new perceptions in life. my frens have been good to me all this while. but this sem has turned the whole mirage into the real reality. i started doubting myself, am i doing the right thing? pretending to agree with my 'frens' just in order to fit in? is hurting each other by the name of 'just kidding' or 'joking' a way of enhancing relationship? so it happened to me at last. i realized now that i have been pretending all along. i smile, nod and laugh when they mock or taunt me, when the emotions are actually stirring and boiling down in my guts..u have no idea how bad it is to feel when ur being demined or called names at. i used to think that the saying that east malaysians are arrogant is just a myth. but now when i do careful observation on this matter, i find it surfacing though. well of course not EVERY east malaysians are like that! hell no! that would be one messed up case of stereotype. the thing is, i like my fren, in fact i respect them. but when they turn on u when ur trying to be serious or when ur not rily in ur mood to be playful, god, u feel like ripping their tongue out, n then saying, "what did you say just now?" huh..there was i once i boldly confronted them by politely commenting on the way they speak. but u noe wat guys? its never good to confront a pack of mealy-mouthed group of testosterone. yea, i was yelled back at, although i just kept silent, since my message was sent. wheter or not they wanna change, its up to them. then the next day, things were like nothing happened. hey im not bitching about it k..just feel kind of, u noe, isolated...like how sabah n sarawak r isolated from the main land.